The feels of/for UIL....

 So here we are at the contest week. Each school having worked since November/December to prepare their students and shows.

Where are my thoughts?  Nervous, intimidation, concern, second guessing, worry, wanting, tired....

I must remind myself that I did the best I could despite all the challenges:

COVID wipeout of students on any given day and for weeks

Undertrained students (felt like truly starting from zero) due to missing stage opportunities...again COVID

Lack of rehearsals....felt like I needed more

Students not getting off book in time to really explore characters

Competing with all other school activities for students' time 

Continual  changes to make it better...throws young actors

Snow days wiping out rehearsals and preview show.

Selecting shows that include the maximum cast and crew allowed plus extras.

And on and on and on....

Would it have been easier to do a minimum cast show this year?  Yes.

Would the students have gotten anything out of that though?  Not in my opinion.

Did I build a show that will overwhelm the judges with technology?  No.

Did I create a story full of fun characters?  Yes.

Did I hopeful create a show arc with the lead? Maybe.

Do I hope to advance or be recognized?  Yes. 

Will it happen?  Maybe.

I must remind myself that all schools are perhaps going through what we did.  But maybe they decided to have continual Saturday rehearsals unlike me.  Though wrangling my group to meet on a Saturday is an act of higher powers.

I kept putting my family and personal self first.  And I may "pay" for that this year. 

In the end, it will be.  I will pick up the cast no matter what rewards are received or not.  Remind them that it is about the journey not the awards....blah, blah, blah.  Then start the next show.

An amazing surprise...

 

This was forwarded to me today to my complete surprise.  

An afternoon after almost crying at my desk trying to submit UIL designs. A day after having a horrible moment with a student - who is beyond my last grain of patience.  Two weeks after almost walking out because I thought no one noticed or cared. A month after almost not coming back from break. 

To say that this school year has been challenging is an understatement.  Every day is a new discovery of what the students actually know and don't know.   COVID denied them many opportunities for experience on and back stage.  I have to keep reminding myself that they really do not know the very basic stuff.  Not just classroom or Theatre but simple social conduct.  

My 6th graders are starting to break free of the 4th grade mentality.  You see, that is the grade level that many of them just stopped....socially....emotionally...academically.  I have 6th graders "tattling" - yes, tattling like elementary school children.  My year starting with 6th graders wrestling in the hallway.....  I did not sign up to teach elementary but alas, that is exactly what we all are doing. 

The list of the "do not knows" is longer than the regular list of the year. 

My advanced students have just not had the stage time that is usually acquired by this point.  Instincts are really not there...at all. Nor have they started to develop.  

Being a singleton...the only Theatre teacher...do not really give me anyone to vent to.  My poor husband serves at the sounding board.  Thankfully he is a willing victim.  Plus everyone else is being pushed to the max so I feel horrible airing my troubles when so many people have so many concerning things. 

To sum up this honor bestowed upon me today:  Thank you universe, former students, allies I did not know I had, for finding me in the mist and reminding me that what I do matters...and lifting me out of a very dark place. I will bounce joyfully and live on this energy for quite a while. 

Now to finish UIL strong - both the student designers and cast/crew of the show. 

Meatloaf...my idols are passing way too quickly.

Slowly my youth idols are passing.....another singing in heaven.

(Lost my Monkee idols earlier...another talented Texan, Mr. Michael Nesmith, gone as well. Hours of my teenage years watching reruns of The Monkees and learning all their songs and absorbing the slapstick of the show.)

https://youtu.be/aKspGNCkSAc

 https://deadline.com/2022/01/meat-loaf-dead-bat-out-of-hell-rocky-horror-picture-show-1234917056/?fbclid=IwAR39U5_K1tgkjEMb4erv7SJgfXsegaqL8AInmk4vZkpChfkzFAI6DtrKR4M

A boy from Texas had gone to the big city - NYC - and made it...on his own terms. His music was emotional, expressive, and full of life. You felt what he felt, you cried when he cried. His music was recorded by others trying to add their style and emotions...but you could not top the original. (Though Barbara Streisand really rivals him on her version of Left in the Dark Again.) He understood the dramatics of the song and how to put himself in the various positions of the moment. HIs collaboration with Jim Steinman was pure magic. Jim wrote the words and Meatloaf emoted them to music.

A movie made about his life appeared in 2000: Meat Loaf: To Hell and Back. He survived being the hefty kid made fun of at school, he survived his home life, he fell and rose several times in his life. He tried everything: singing, acting, directing, editing, etc. He dealt with his demons and rose above them. If I remember the movie correctly, he performs at the Emerald Room in Dallas. I have stood on that stage...closest that I ever was to actually meeting him.

He sang rock opera....and I listened. I wanted to be him. I wanted to be singing with him. I wanted to power ballad my way into performing on stage.

Did I? Perhaps at times. But not to his successful ends.

I played his albums over and over until they were unplayable. Now we have the luxury of technology to find, store, and enjoy his work again.

I guess Steinman had some ideas and needed Meatloaf to collaborate while Nesmith listened. Safe journey Marvin-Eddie-Meatloaf.

******************************************************************************

Side note to loving Meatloaf-singer not the dinner-I won a religious game show in NYC by answering a question about the album Bat Out Of Hell.

Advanced to the next round and evidentially came in second place overall. (Listened and learned when I was in Catholic school-and retained.)

Won a nice set of luggage. First prize was a trip to Jerusalem. Easy to see where the prize budget went.

Somewhere on VHS, I have a copy of the show. Aired locally only.

I think that I finally wore the last piece of that luggage out last year. Good luggage really.

Procrastination vs. Prioritizing

Pile of work needing to be done sitting on my desk and sewing machine and craft table....screaming at me. Scripts needing to be highlighted and sound and lighting cues to be logged.

Yet, I stall. I actually clean the house instead of facing the other tasks.  Why is it that we would do the most undesired tasks to put off the one that needs to be done?

Work bleeding over into my personal time bleeding over into my family time bleeding over into my "need to take a breathe" time.

All got done but at what cost to other things.

Not complaining, I made these choices of what I do. Thankful for a job that pays for a house over our heads and food on our plates. 

Taking a moment to figure out the order of importance of tasks sometimes is harder than the mountain of tasks to be done. 

And for what? There are many memes being posted about self-care and no one wins awards for being the last car in the work parking lot. And honestly, it feels like no one really cares or truly knows what I do for the job. 

The show will go up, it will be what it will be.  Props and costumes will get done. We will compete. Lessons hopefully will be learned. 

In the end, I will be exhausted.  Accolades might happen. Success might be achieved. Sound sleep will happen again.

But for now through mid-February, I will be on the treadmill of stress continually prioritizing and possibly procrastinating. 

Tea

 As I sit here writing and reviewing my electronic launch to the daily world, I am enjoying my hot cup of tea.  Today a blend of Celestial Energy Tea and Twinings Winter Spice (which I found on sale at Krogers this weekend - $1 a box!!)

 The whole concept of tea was a moment to slow down, take a break, and breathe. However, it is now a launch similar to morning coffee during the week for me. Make, chug, energize, take off. 

This is why the weekend is so precious in my tea world.  A full pot of tea (or two), blending herbal and black teas. Adding a dash of half & half and/or honey...sipping into a slower world opener.  Savoring the aroma and taste. No food to accompany it - just warming liquid hug. Breaking my fast will come later; family will awaken later.  The sheer quiet of my world for a few precious minutes.  

In the nicer weather, I head outside to enjoy my liquid love and the day awakening.  However, this past weekend was like having a "cuppa" in London - misty, foggy, chilly. Stepping outside with the dogs, getting cold, but knowing that a warm pot of "ahhh" awaiting me. 

Having my weekday morning cup does remind that this quiet, slow entry to the world is still needed.  A time for thoughts, prepping mentally for the day, reflection, warming up body, soul, and mind. 

Morning cup now enjoyed and drained, caught up with the world news, reviewed the bear traps of my work and personal email, deleting the onslaught of the spam email, glancing at the update of friends and family on Facebook, I can breathe and clearly launch.  Thank you tea for your support!

"Showtime"

 More and more as I get older, I feel like that scene in "All That Jazz."  

Roy Schneider's character is going through the morning ritual of pills, shower, music, eyedrops, headache powder, cigarette, game face, "showtime!"

Showtime!

Replace the pills and headache powder with multi-vitamins and herbal supplements and nix the cigarette. Add in a quick yoga stretch, letting the dogs out, dog treat time, checking email and making sure the world is still there via the web.

I would like to think that my ritual is more body friendly-less destructive but still a prep for the "show" of the day. 

Most people, I think, have some sort of prep ritual before they show their "game face" to the world. Let's face it-getting out of a warm, cozy bed to get up and change the world takes effort.  Even for those go getters that bounce out of bed ready to conquer.  

I believe it boils down to motivation: interior or exterior.  Adulting includes the willingness to set an alarm to wake up to prep for the day/job/ready the family/etc.  Motivation is found in what makes you set that alarm.

I read about all these stars who have their rituals.  Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson's routine is to wake up, take a cold shower, work out in his private inhouse gym, have a smoothie, take a warm shower, do his current job, come home, take a jog, take a hot shower, and go to bed.  Fit in good food, a promo or two, play with his kids, make a movie, etc. He is self-motivated but also knows that he must maintain his physique to get his amazing paycheck. He works hard and has worked hard to get where he is - no begrudging him that at all. I can only try and wish to be as motivated as he.  

So it comes down to what motivates you?  Money? Fear? Health? Survival? Love? A combination of all of these? Things that I continual ponder...each phase of my life has produced different motivations.  

But for now, I must go continue my "Showtime!" ritual....remembering to do the jazz hands in the mirror before I step out.

And the gun fires...

 So, yesterday was the first day back after a "long winters nap".

We gathered to hear the wise words of the next big thing coming down the educational train.  

Logical self:  Sounds good, makes sense, nice improvement, I can do this.

Cynical self: To the tune of Farmers Jingle-"I wrote a book, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum."  A new way of grading...perhaps we launch this in August?  The presenter compared teaching lessons to making pancakes - you only need 6 ingredients.  The way that you "mix" those together is the result of a learning, teaching a unit, or something, something.  Honestly, I begin to want pancakes instead of listening.  (I was launching back into my good eating habits trying desperately to undo the damage of the holidays...really convincing my self that the protein smoothie I had had for breakfast would sustain me until lunch.) Now this presenter is talking about pancakes and I literally began to smell them. 

I digress.  The next thought was make pancakes??  After the pandemic and trying to deal with all the levels of actual learning that occurred, or did not occur, online or in person, I feel that I am still gathering ingredients at times.  This bag of flour has sat on the shelf rotting, this one is fresh and ready, this one came in from abroad and is written in Sanskrit, there is no vanilla available, this one cannot have sugar, why is the milk sour, and so on. 

It didn't help that the presentation was on Zoom and the presenter had no dynamic.  Perhaps in person, he would have sparkled better or had the opportunity to truly interact. Plus his slides were blurry....or maybe it was just my "what time is it? I need more Chai tea!" eyes. 

So today, "they" arrive.  Sleepy, apathetic, hyper, glad to be out of the house, ready to explode for attention.  Some had a great holiday with lots of fun things to do and great feasts, some never left their rooms, some worried about having anything to eat, some bounced around between parents, some slept the entire two weeks.  

They will walk in with all their assorted luggage while I tap dance to get them back on track and launch the rest of the year.

So it is as the ad once stated, "time to make the donuts" um, pancakes.