This time of year is rather melancholy for many people including myself because it ends a cycle of some such. School is ending-children are another year older, teachers wrap up everything for the school year, grades are due. Shows are ending-the stage lays quiet for a while. Testing periods are done and results are in from the performance.
We as humans live in cycles. It matters not what you do, you are probably in a cycle of some sort. In business, one follows the fiscal calendar. In education, one follows a school year calendar. In theatre, one follows a rehearsal to premiere to end of run schedule. In broadcast, one follows the yearly "sweeps" calendar. All of the above demand a heightened seige of energy at the last few days. Then the fall....that is perhaps the hardest.
We look to the quiet of the cycle being done and whisper the count down to ourselves as we face the daily stress the cycle causes. But there is the "doneness" that rings silent in our ears. The shadow of the energy spent and the "what do we do now" question once our days are not longer completely booked.
These thoughts echoed through my head as I watched my daughter ride a big girl's bike for the first time. The joy of seeing her grow more independent daily brought tears to my eyes. The passing of her toddler ship did as well. The cycle of her being just a tricycle riding baby is done. She is growing and becoming the child and then the adult that I wish her to be.
My son starts kindergarten. The tears well up again for the doneness of one cycle and the beginning of another. Where did my little boy go? Those moments of just rocking, holding, and singing in a chair all night are past.
Yes, for both, there will still need to be comfort moments. Heck, I still want to be hugged, rocked, and sung to many times. The celebration of growing and the sadness at growing are a thin line indeed.
There are moments looking at cycles that I am no longer a participate still makes melancholy come on hard. Dear friends just wrapped up their season of mirth and merriment. A season that I no longer participate in due to choices made. Anger is not the emotion but rather an empathy feeling with them that that cycle has finished once again for this year. I was privileged to watch their fun from the glass wall of my monitor and share their laughter-a voyeur from the outside looking in. Miss it? Yes, but pleased at their success and glow.
The school building will soon sit quiet as the last energizing youth springs from its doors. The building itself seems to weep a bit and try to fill the noise gap. The air conditioner kicks on a little louder, the structure creaks a bit more resounding, and the hum of the computers forcefully emits to try and gain any attention. They too know that a cycle has ended and it is time to lay dormant until the next.
Friends and family members have just had their babies. They too are beginning a new cycle that will be splintered into many different cycles in many different ways. Daily to weekly to monthly to yearly. Each with the momentary recognition of time passing.
My husband stated that this is why he takes so many pictures. As human, we are trying to capture time-to stop it for a brief moment so that we can relish in it, celebrate its being, recognize its passing, and mourn its loss.
So for now, I shall be melancholy, embrace the sadness, celebrate the joy, and know that as soon on one cycle ends, the next is beginning. And pray that I too can stop time just briefly....just briefly.....
